Take Back the Land

The Conditions for Restoration and Blessing

Deuteronomy 30:1-13 The Message

Here’s what will happen. While you’re out among the nations where God has dispersed you and the blessings and curses come in just the way I have set them before you, and you and your children take them seriously and come back to God, your God, and obey him with your whole heart and soul according to everything that I command you today, God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he’ll have compassion on you; he’ll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. No matter how far away you end up, God, your God, will get you out of there and bring you back to the land your ancestors once possessed. It will be yours again. He will give you a good life and make you more numerous than your ancestors. God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children’s hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live. God, your God, will put all these curses on your enemies who hated you and were out to get you. And you will make a new start, listening obediently to God, keeping all his commandments that I’m commanding you today. God, your God, will outdo himself in making things go well for you: you’ll have babies, get calves, grow crops, and enjoy an all-around good life. Yes, God will start enjoying you again, making things go well for you just as he enjoyed doing it for your ancestors. But only if you listen obediently to God, your God, and keep the commandments and regulations written in this Book of Revelation. Nothing halfhearted here; you must return to God, your God, totally, heart and soul, holding nothing back.

This commandment that I’m commanding you today isn’t too much for you, it’s not out of your reach. It’s not on a high mountain – you don’t have to get mountaineers to climb the peak and bring it down to your level and explain it before you can live it. And it’s not across the ocean – you don’t have to send sailors out to get it, bring it back, and then explain it before you can live it. No. The word is right here and now – as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest. Just do it!

The Holy Spirit burst threw me today like a freight train, crushing everything in its path and not caring who or what was in its way. I have been tired for some time in this season of wandering… where God where are you? Is this it? Is my life meant to be lived in these bits and pieces? Some ups, some downs…moments of joy and some of sadness. Am I supposed to live in the in between or for the next moment? Meditation after meditation, article, blog post, bible study, mass, homily, Instagram priests- I took it all in, and it was GOOD! But I couldn’t hear a lot of it. In fact, I couldn’t hear most of it. Because I was to busy keeping my mind fixed on negativity, demeaning words and actions, cruelty and meanness and re-living those words in my head over and over again waiting for God to give me a different platform, a different purpose, a different meaning.

We say that we do not care about words that hurt and those that hurt us, and that is a LIE. And although we may say it, the heart feels it and often deters us from the very thing that God has already told us to do. For a long time now I have been living in that lie, veering on and off the course, in and out of that narrow lane. Those words, those words in my ears. That email that I received telling me to shut the f*** up, the internet is mine not yours, this space is mine not yours, the message is mine not yours. And so the devil crept in, kept my hands from writing and my heart from feeling. Holding back the gift that God gave me- my words. Not for me, but for someone. A you, a friend, your sister. The words that seemed to flow like a dripping faucet, a steady flow until someone said, “I’ll fix that faucet!” So I let them “fix” that faucet. But I was the one who decided not to turn it back on.

The one thing that God asked me to do is the one thing that I’ve been holding back. I am the cause of my own downfall. And while I’d like to blame the ones that stifled me, it is not their fault. Undeterred, I should have walked right into Jerusalem.

Yet I must continue on my way today, tomorrow, and the following day, for it is impossible that a prophet should die outside of Jerusalem. Luke 13:33

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Luke 13:35

Did you see that? Jesus willingly did that. Knowing everything, He walked into His own death. But along the way, he experienced everything that we did, rejection, pain, sorrow- you name it. He was undeterred. He kept walking. He did not hit the pause button or decide He would take another road. He kept going, His face set toward the ultimate goal- Jerusalem.

As we work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, why do we fear, then tremble and stop? Why do we walk the other way or think that God has a different call on our lives just because people are mean and don’t like what we say?

Nelson Madela said this about obstacles and perseverance,

“When the water is boiling, it is foolish to turn off the heat.”

Could our mission and signs be any clearer? Is anything that God sends to us easy? And why do we run away rather than towards our heavenly missions? Why are we so deterred?

What a fool I am this day! If God demanded my life this day, could I say that I lived up to what He asked of me? Did I not hear the words of Mary- Do whatever He tells you to do!

I pray to God that my life is not demanded of me this day.

Oh how foolish you are! How slow of heart to believe all that the prophets spoke! Was it not necessary that the Messiah should suffer these things and enter into His glory?

Luke 24:25-26 (italicized the word “and” for emphasis, it was in fact BOTH!)

Can we not suffer yet still choose to move forward, all at the same time? Why do we run away when we know we are called? Why can we not endure and enter at the same time? Oh the great mystery of the crucifix…

So I will keep walking, mud and all. Those people that believe that they own the market on opinion and the internet, I’m over it…

I’m taking back the land.

The Hate You Give

I don’t know anything about the movie, just its title. I’ve passed over it several times when debating over which movie would serve as a Friday night escape. But the title of the movie did something to me. It was bold and unapologetic. It was angry and accusatory. I felt convicted in some strange and unatoned for way. Could I be guilty of a sin I didn’t commit?

Today, I meditated on the story of Herod and John the Baptist and read an excellent meditation on it. And that meditation scared me as it spoke of “the power of anger in its most extreme form.” And I reflected on my passions, my hate and any resentment or anger that was “inspiring” my heart or motivation.

Sin creeps so steadily into your soul. Like a silencer. Like a slow dose of poison, unnoticed. The hate you give. In your words, your actions, your rants and apologetics. In the way you deal with people. In the selfish advice you give them. In the missing of moments, in the accusations against our Lord. In the chains we put Him in. In the blasphemies we speak against Him.

It is us. We are the crowd that shouts, “Crucify Him.”

The hate you give

I cried for my soul. For the hurt that I’ve held onto. I have forgiven so many. The perpetrators of my abuse, friends, acquaintances and so many more. There is nobody in my mind’s eye that I hadn’t forgiven. I scanned my mind at a rapid pace, but my heart was beating and swelling and filled with conviction.

The hate you give. (Holy Spirit whispers)

And the sin was there clear as day. I had forgiven but I had harbored. I had done what Jesus had asked me to do but I had resented. I had followed the Word but I had not absorbed the word into my soul. And my actions, my words, my motivations had fallen so short of what the Lord expects from me.

And He was crying from the crucifix, Forgive them all.

Look at me. My eyes, my body, covered in blood and sweat and the wounds of a million lashes. My soul dying from rejection. My heart crushed by those I called my own.

But His heart, His heart swelling with an unfathomable love. And not hate, not hate but an immense love. An impossible love for you and for me. Blood, tears, sweat, dirt, rejection, hate, the hate, and the love coming back from Him. Lord my rejection is killing me. My soul is slowly dying. I don’t want to hold onto it any longer.

Betrayal is cruel and deep. It burns the soul. The person I loved the most. The person that left me. The forgiveness that I gave. The rejection that I received. The bitterness and resentment and anger that followed. The grief that consumed my soul. The why God why. The meditation on Judas. The crying. The repairing of the heart. And all the while God is watching…Take it all my beloved daughter. Grieve it. I love her too. I love her, too.

And there it was, deep and wide. My sin on display. I didn’t want God to love her.

The hate you give

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew 14:1-12

Herod the tetrarch heard of the reputation of Jesus
and said to his servants, “This man is John the Baptist.
He has been raised from the dead;
that is why mighty powers are at work in him.”

Now Herod had arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison
on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip,
for John had said to him,
“It is not lawful for you to have her.”
Although he wanted to kill him, he feared the people,
for they regarded him as a prophet.
But at a birthday celebration for Herod,
the daughter of Herodias performed a dance before the guests
and delighted Herod so much
that he swore to give her whatever she might ask for.
Prompted by her mother, she said,
“Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist.”
The king was distressed, 
but because of his oaths and the guests who were present,
he ordered that it be given, and he had John beheaded in the prison.
His head was brought in on a platter and given to the girl,
who took it to her mother.
His disciples came and took away the corpse
and buried him; and they went and told Jesus.